Black Holes and Balance Beams

Despite my excitement about all that is going on right now, there are unfortunate consequences. The biggest casualty of my constant desire to put my fingers in every possible pie is e-mail. My e-mail boxes just keep getting bigger and bigger. This disease affects no only my personal e-mail (>800 unread messages that span the years since I created the e-mail address) but also my work e-mail. Often, people will think that I am ignoring them, or perhaps that I don't care, but no... the e-mail has just vanished into the black hole that is my inbox. I feel I don't have the time to respond appropriately, so the message sits and waits. I am hoping that sometime soon I will learn how to stop time, or at least slow it down to get caught up... but the reality is that if I learned how to do that, I would just try to do even more things creating some sort of infinite loop.

The other consequence is that some weeks everything hits at once. This week and next are such weeks. I have worked long hours almost every day this week trying to finish up a document before I go out of town. Am I required to... No... but I am a perfectionist and I want to produce a good product, so I work to get the best possible product out before I go to a space conference next week. But wait! If I am working late, that means I am not evaluating applications, reading e-mail relating to aforementioned space conference, doing laundry, paying the bills, getting my hair cut, or any of the other myriad of things that I have to do before I leave on Monday. It all makes me tired.

Really, I am not complaining. I know it sounds like I am, but I'm not. I broadcast this out to the universe so you can all understand a bit more about me, and the things I do to myself. One day, I am going to learn how to balance time, work, play, etc... but I wouldn't place any bets on when. Until then, off I go to fight another day.

Two Thousand and Eight

It is now February, and 2008 is 1/12 over. Thus far, 2008 has remained a pretty sedate year with no travel outside the greater Washington D.C. and greater Baltimore Area. This will change very soon.

I have never been surfing, yet I have seen it in movies. You paddle out into deep water and wait for the wave. Soon, the wave comes and there is a heady rush of surfing that wave, trying to balance all of the complex variables, and suddenly you have either reached the shore or fallen in the water. The first 5 weeks of 2008 were like paddling out into that rough water, getting ready to surf those waves. Pretty soon, those waves are going to crest. Whether I want to or not, I am going to be swept towards the shore. Before I know it, 2008 will be 2009.

So what is in store for 2008? Of course I can't predict anything, I can make a forecast. (Just don't ask me to give you a percent accuracy.)

• 3 trips to Europe (at a minimum)
  
• Several trips around the US (at least 7 states + DC)
• Speaking at 2-3 science fiction conventions (2 confirmed)
  
• Attending space conventions
  
• Taekwondo (if I can find a place that will work with aforementioned travel)
• Interesting developments at work
• Lots of both animated and boring talk about the next president of the USA
  

I have been looking forward to 2008 more than any year in recent memory. While I am sure things will get overwhelming soon, it is going to be interesting and fun. Part of why I started this blog, was as a commitment to myself to live life to the fullest. Take the experiences life gives you and make the best of them. Here is to 2008, may the Earth be a better place at the end than the beginning, and may I have some role in making it so.

Progress

I've made some progress, but I wasn't able to extinguish that darn torch. I hope I don't go up in flames by the end of the week!

Form damaging Function damaging Form

I have been working very hard on juggling quite a few flaming torches recently. I am planning on extinguishing one this weekend, but instead of working on that, I spend the whole day (at least 8 hours) working on something else.

Sorry for the vague description, but those who know, know what I am talking about. Those who don't, the concept is more important than the details.

Time sensitive thing B has become excessively complicated in the last week. It is politically charged and sucking my time away. The problem is that a couple days ago, the process to do B was changed, with out any consultation with the group who will implement B.

The change itself has its positives and negatives. I don't like it, but I don't completely disagree with it. The biggest problem is that the motivation behind the change is being perceived as a lack of trust in the volunteers who do B. The problem is exacerbated by the very short notice and lack of regard for the reaction of aforementioned volunteers.

Because I believe that B is needed, I agreed to help with the notification and convincing of the volunteers. Before I could do that, my words were vetted past several committees (once without my knowledge, agreement or participation) to the point that I questioned signing my name to the final e-mail. I did anyway.

Now, I am questioning if I should have stayed involved. I am stuck defending a decision I don't believe in and words I didn't write. Worst for me, I think that this might have damaged my reputation with this group. At this point, there isn't really a way for me to back out, at least not one that I am comfortable with.

In the last week so many things have been temporarily dropped so I could help out this one group. It is a problem.

Tomorrow... Rather, the rest of today... thing B is definitely going on the back burner. I must finish thing A before Monday.

Struggles

Today is a rough day.

This morning, my Uncle Edward passed away peacefully. He is now with his dear wife Marge. Rest in Peace Uncle Edward. My deepest sympathies go out to the whole Knasel clan both in the US and England (where he lived).

Currently, my friend Joe Murphy is going into surgery to remove a large malignant tumor from his abdomen. Updates on Joe's progress can be found at the Wingin' It site.

On a personal note, the coughing is really bad and the cold weather is making it worse. My sides hurt. The chest X-Ray came out clear. The doctors now think it may be related to asthma exacerbated by the recent bronchitis (or pneumonia) from earlier in the month... so I get some new meds.

Driving me crazy

What drives me crazy?

Many of those things I can't talk about here. The major difference between a blog and a journal/diary is that everything here is public. For some things I can bare my soul, but for others, I just can't. No complaining about work. No complaining about people. No venting.

There are some general things that I can talk about.

Today's topic is information. I get instantly peeved if I suspect people are withholding, restricting, or preventing my access to information. Other times I get frustrated by my inability to ingest the information fast enough. Information is potential. Information is power. Information is what allows us to evolve. If others are trying to keep me from access to information, they are trying to hold me back. I don't like it

Logically, I know that I can't know everything. I know that usually my lack of knowledge is my own fault, or an oversight, or some other non malicious reason... but I still get peeved.

There are lots of things that I can complain about, but I am beginning to discover that this may be one of the core things that affects my behavior. I don't know how to control it, but the first step is to acknowledge the problem.

I am Laura. I want to understand everything.

Back to the World

I made it back to work today. When you get sick, or go on vacation, or you move, or really anything that keeps you out of touch, you expect the world to pause and wait for you to return. I am often struck by the realization that time doesn't work the way my brain thinks it should. I get lost in my own little world of cats, television, space, and books, only to look up and discover that days, moths, and years have gone by and people have changed. Things have happened and I am out of touch. Sometimes I wonder if I can ever catch up. There are some worlds where I wonder if I would be welcomed back if I tried.

Write Your Story

So why a blog? Beyond keeping in touch with people, I view blogging as a journal that I am likely to keep. I have started many diaries over the years, but always set them down after a time. I think that blogging will be more to my taste since it is automatically shared with the world. My thoughts, opinions, actions are there for comment and discussion. I am an imperfect person. (aka human) I will make mistakes, but I hope that everyone will keep me on track.

So often history is defined by the journals and diaries of average people. Everyone has a story. I hope this will be the start of writing my own story, and sharing it with you.